What to think, do, and say - if he wants OUT by Mimi Tanner

Do you know what to say when your boyfriend says he wants to break up, or your husband wants to leave?

Do you know what to do when he starts drifting away?

I'll tell you what not to do - do not act in a surge of emotion, as difficult as that is. Try to get some distance from the situation. Think with a clear head. He won't get farther away from you while you're taking your time to think. In fact, he's more likely to get closer to you - and to wonder what is going through YOUR mind.

In your own mind, make your plans. First, think about Plan B: Think in terms of not being with him - and think about how you will move ahead if that is what happens.

Don't try to talk him out of leaving. In fact, mirror what he does to some extent. That's what he's NOT expecting from you.

Next - proceed to Plan A.
Plan A is your plan to get your wants met. However, it has to be something you both want or it won't work. For any critics who bristle at my calling this a "plan" - is there something wrong with planning one's life?? We plan our life insurance, health insurance, career moves - and we're not supposed to plan our love lives or the future of our children??? I think we should plan those above all the rest.

Plan A is this:
No more talking about this situation. Show him - with very few words - that you can move on with your life if he insists on leaving. And don't make a big deal out of it. It's kind of like when both of you are pulling on a rope, playing tug of war with your relationship. If you let go, he will lose his balance and fall on his you know what - unexpectedly. It may be a good place for him to sit and think about whether he REALLY wants to lose you forever. Behind the scenes, you can begin your private campaign to get him back - if you want him back. Now you too have time to think!