If you had a healthy mature man, would a lot of what's tough in your relationship go away?
For lots of women who've had a series of bad men and painful relationships... they could have avoided a lot of pain and frustration, had they chosen a better man. So you know, when it comes to men... the man you choose is the man you get. But what if you don't really know how to tell a good man from a toad? What if you don't know if a man is ready and able to COMMIT to a real relationship?
Too many women don't know how to tell good from bad when it comes to dating men. Even the guys who seem incredible at first somehow turn out to be just like some of the other creeps out there. As a result of NOT KNOWING how to tell the good from the bad, too many women keep "accidentally" falling into the wrong relationships with the same kind of wrong men.
Don't let this keep happening to you. And don't let your uncertainty and fear around this keep pushing the right man away from you once he's right there in front of you.One of the most common areas where great women misunderstand men is how a man acts when it comes to COMMITMENT.
Do you know how commitment works for a man, and why he either believes his life will be better off as a result of committing to a woman, or worse?
Let's talk about how to recognize and know if a man really has his act together and is a good bet for your time and attention. Here are 3 fail-safe signs of a healthy and mature man who would make good "relationship material" for you:
Good Man Sign #1: He Can Stay "Calm In The Storm"
Mature men aren't easily rattled to where they act out, become defensive or blame others. Mature men remain calm even when things are at their most intense and uncertain. This "groundedness" is something most women love and appreciate about their man when push comes to shove.
Immature men, on the other hand, can't handle a woman's real feelings and fall apart when even the smallest hint of conflict or tension comes up.
Here's something you should know...
Mature men can handle your most intense feelings and remain honest and thoughtful when you share them (although they won't always agree with you, or give you what you want).
Immature men become unsettled and react negatively when a woman is the least bit honest and concerned about anything that isn't great in your relationship. Immature men will act as though a woman should have never talked about or brought up anything about the relationship that's on her mind that isn't fun, complimentary, or about sex.
Here's one reason why less mature men act this way-
They often take what a woman is feeling not to be a show of care and concern for the relationship... Instead, they take it as a CRITICISM about themselves as a man. This comes from the false belief many immature or less experienced men hold that a woman should simply be happy because they are together. And that everything else is "drama" or unnecessary worry or details. *Hint- men want nothing as much as to make the woman they're interested in or with feel happy.
More mature men aren't afraid of a woman's feelings, and won't let things go off the deep end emotionally just because a problem or less-than-great feeling has been shared. They understand that if a woman is bothered, upset, or concerned with something in their relationship... that it doesn't mean that she's UNHAPPY. It just means there's something she's seeing or feeling that she needs to share and address.
The IDEAL way for a man to be with a woman is to stay in that strong and centered place where no matter what his woman brings to him- he'll listen to her feelings and keep loving and supporting her.
That means that a man will be at his MOST SUPPORTIVE when a woman has intense feelings to share that are about him, their relationship, or how she's feeling. Healthy and mature men have an easier time listening and communicating in a calm and loving way when his woman is at her most intense with him.
Choosing a man who already has this quality of remaining "calm in the storm" can and will make everything in your relationship much easier. Also... Being conscious about HOW YOU COMMUNICATE your feelings with your man, and taking care to not accidentally make him feel CRITICIZED, is the sign of a healthy and mature woman.
Good Man Sign #2: He Has Other Healthy Relationships
This is an obvious sign you might already know about. I'm not telling you about it because it's obvious. I'm telling you about it because it's obvious and most women still IGNORE the plain and simple facts that are presented when you look at the other relationships a man has, or has had in his life.
It's important to know WHY too many do this.
You've seen your friends do this when they meet a man who you can tell has serious issues that come up right away... but since this woman already feels strongly for him, she wants to see the best in him. This is often a big mistake, and leads to all kinds of heartache. Why do so many women do this with men, and keep getting themselves hurt with all the wrong men?
For starters...they aren't looking at their man as a person. They're looking at him through the lens of the ATTRACTION and CHEMISTRY they feel for him. And this can be VERY DANGEROUS. The thing is... chemistry is great. It's a must-have for you to feel like a man could be the right one for you.
But most women leave it up to chemistry and attraction alone to choose their man... and they let ATTRACTION do the deciding for them.
Think "Bad Boy" here. Here's what's fascinating...
It's oftentimes the men who would make the WORST PARTNERS who you feel the MOST ATTRACTED TO. It's amazing how often this happens for women. (And men too, with unhappy and unhealthy but physically attractive women). If you want a real lasting and loving relationship, do you even know what to really look for in a man in terms of the relationship "skills" he has... aside from the fact that he often makes you feel sexy and desired? Or that you want him? Picking a man you know has the right qualities and "skills" to have a great relationship with you
isn't just important- it's hard if you don't know what you're looking for.
And the truth is... most women DON'T.
So let me let you in on something about men you might not see yet.
It's a kind of shortcut to telling how a man would be with you in your relationship, should you choose to let him be the lucky one who has your love and affection ;)
There's a great saying out there I keep hearing lately that's true for men and woman-
"How you do anything is how you do everything."
Think about it...
The way in which we handle anything we come across- whether it's a stressful situation at work, or a small fender-bender accident we get in- it says a lot about who we are and how we handle all the other areas of our life.
Knowing this, guess what's a great indicator of how a man is or will be in a close and intimate relationship? The other relationships he already has in his life. If you meet a new man in your life, pay attention to how he handles conflict or issues that come up in his other relationships. (Family,friends, ex's, etc.) If he handles these with patience, compassion, understanding, and a positive attitude that has the goal of a positive and loving outcome in mind, it's a good bet to assume this is how he'll handle things that might come up with you.
If, on the other hand, he takes offense whenever anyone sees him as less than perfect... Or he instantly defends himself or redirects any problems or complaints people have with him back to the person who had them and tries to blame them back... You can also bet that he likely WON'T handle things well with you and stay open and listen when real things come up in your relationship.
*Tip- one of the best things you can do inside your relationship with a man to keep him open isn't what most women do, which is to try and TALK to him more. The quickest and easiest way to have a man feel and act smitten with you and WANT TO KNOW all about you and what he can do to keep your relationship happy and on track is simple-
Make sure he's still experiencing that intense emotion called ATTRACTION with you. Unfortunately, lots of us in relationships either lose sight of - or don't know how to keep - the attraction and the passion alive that brought us together in the first place.
Good Man Sign #3: A Man With A Purpose
I'm about to share with you one of the very best ways to tell if a man has "done the work" for himself and might make a great boyfriend or husband.
Let me ask you...
Have you ever been with a man who was either going through a big change in his life, or he just didn't have his act together? If so, then I don't have to tell you what a nightmare it can be to try and stay close to a man who doesn't feel great about his life and his career.
The simple truth is, men feel better about themselves, and are often better partners in their relationships, when things are going well for them in their career of financially. And this is the reality with most men whether you like it or not.
Here's the good news...
Not all men will become irritable, withdraw, or act like an animal going off to die on their own with you if they have this one other thing going on for themselves. And that one thing is a PURPOSE they are dedicated to that is about something more than themselves or their bank account.
Let me explain what this means...
What is a PURPOSE? And why is it so important for a man? A man's purpose is the REASON WHY he does what he does. For instance, if you know a man who is a writer, he probably doesn't just write for the paycheck (if he has a purpose). On a deeper level, he might write and be inspired because of the benefits it brings to OTHER PEOPLE.
These benefits might be:
-People are transformed as they read his work
-People learn things reading his stuff
-His work inspires people's imaginations or creativity
I think you see what I'm getting at.
So why is a man having a purpose so important?
It's important because it does the following things for a man:
-It keeps him from judging himself and valuing himself solely by his "success" in the things that he does most
-It teaches him that helping and supporting others can be, and is more rewarding, than just helping
yourself
-It keeps him from freaking out and going off the deep end with you in your relationship if the other things he doesn't really have control of in his life change or fall apart
You're starting to see the importance of Purpose in a man's life, and what happens when a man doesn't have one or is disconnected from anything like this in his life.
The question for you is...
Do you support men with their Purpose, and show understanding when they are out of touch with it?
Or do you take it personally when the man you're with is feeling frustrated, worthless, or insignificant as a man when he isn't living up to his purpose?
Do you take the feelings and the behaviors that men take on when they're having a tough time
with their purpose personally, and make them an issue in your relationship?
These are great questions to ask yourself as your looking at how healthy and mature men are.
YOUR PURPOSE AS A WOMAN
What do you do when you feel disconnected from love and the man you're with?
Do you inspire and create more love and make it easy for you both to connect?
Or do you get frustrated that things aren't going well and accidentally push him away further with your feelings?
It would be great if a man would be mature and open and care for your feelings each time in your relationship. But this isn't the case for most women, and in most relationships. We need to do the right things FOR OURSELVES in order to give our partner the gift of our highest selves with them.
Are you showing and giving men your highest self?
That amazing confident, and happy woman that he will simply want to be with and stay close to? Or are you showing him a woman who is having a tough time just feeling loved and appreciated? The woman inside you who you're showing to the man you're with can and will make all the difference.
If you find yourself being less than your best in your relationship, and you're willing to open up to the idea that it's not just his fault - but that you could be bringing more to your relationship... Then it's time you got back in touch with that amazing woman inside you. There is a way to keep the addictive and emotionally contagious feelings of the honeymoon stage going long after the honeymoon is over.
If you know what that secret is, and how to achieve it, a fulfilling relationship can be virtually EFFORTLESS. The key is building on and maintaining a natural feeling of ATTRACTION in a man.
Keeping the ATTRACTION strong and alive in your relationship is the single most powerful force you have in keeping the love strong and the connection thriving. This doesn't mean just looking good, having a great wardrobe and hitting the gym every day. That's a different kind of attraction, and you probably already know that even supermodels fail
in relationships if they don't know how to keep a man interested with something deeper. The kind of attraction I'm talking about is the feeling you INSPIRE in a man that makes him helplessly ADDICTED to you.
It's the kind of attraction that keeps him thinking about you and wanting to keep you happy... just because he finds you irresistible to be with. A key to a man feeling that INTENSE GUT-LEVEL ATTRACTION for you after the honeymoon is over is having an ongoing level of UNPREDICTABILITY in your relationship. When a man thinks he knows everything about you, and about how you act, think, feel, talk,
etc... then by definition he won't be as tuned in to you and be as EMOTIONALLY ENGAGED in your relationship.
That's simply human nature - when we are seeing and experiencing things that are common and ordinary to us, they don't grab us deep inside in an intensely emotional way.
But when you make something unexpected and out of the ordinary happen between you and a man, he can't help but has his full attention and interest on you.
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