The small things

While doing my groceries last night, this idea came in my mind about being a mother has change me the way I’m thinking. It was fascinating watching other mother walking with their children and wondering what was their life before that. With one glance people might not think I was a socialite before especially with my 360 degree changes (yes, for some who didn’t know – I’m not Saint). Back to my topic – ‘Being a mother has change me the way I’m thinking’

As a mother I want the world to be a better place for my children (every mother does). When you are young and single you don't take notes the little thing but being older you start to see the little thing makes the different. Such as bringing your own carriage bag to the groceries or shopping to contribute saving the earth. In my tote bag I will carry this ‘Strawberry Folding Bag’ that I got from my sister in law during her son aqiqah ceremony. Best invention and cute and I see people are selling this. Get one for yourself. I never think about this when I was younger but after seeing the climate change I can’t imagine what kind of climate my children will be living in. I still remember when I was kid and we often going to Genting Highland and Cameron Highland and love the cold breeze weather in any hour or any month. But I know most of you know it wasn’t the same anymore. I still remember being there recently and not even need to wear a jacket because it’s warm. It wasn’t like that when I was a kid. I love the feeling being there when I was a kid because it makes me feel I was in Europe due to the weather. I bet some of you agree with me especially when you are the 80’s kid. So I decided to do little contribution like bringing my own bag and recycle stuff. I know some people might say “Oh its sound so emak-emak or so motherhood”. Yes, it does but I am a mother and wait until you have your own children.

Next was save the children. This problem has become from bad to worst. Last time it was children in hunger and poverty but now baby killer. I can’t even make myself looking at the baby corpse or read the papers with this kind of news. There are people angry with the government for providing a place to put the unwanted baby at the Ipoh hospital and school for pregnant teenager. But what you expect them to do? Let the killer baby problem getting worst and be the lifestyle of our children? How bad it may sound but at least it’s one of solution to reduce the number of baby killer. If you don’t like it, give a better idea not just criticize them. And please don’t say parent should raise them better. As parent now, I know most parents want the best for the children and they try hard to raise them in better environment. I have seen friends that been broad up in such Muslim way and nice environment but still pretending being goodie too shoe in front of their parent (in Malay ‘pijat semut tak mati’) but being another thing behind their parent. Not everything to be point at the parent. There are so many bad influence outside there and temptation. So we as community need to lend a hand to help the teenager. But I really mean it, if you have better idea, share it but if you don’t then shut up and let the government do their thing.

I have regrets in my life and one of it is talking back to my mother every time we have disagreement. Oh boy! It’s really a slap on the face once you are a mother. I wish I could have behaving much calmer when facing disagreement with my mom all this years. So now I rather stay quiet whenever I came across conflict idea with my mom. How angry or sad when your mom disagree with you, it’s hurtful when we talk back to them. They went through great deal to bring us to the world and I’ve been through that and realize how wrong I was toward my mom. Sometimes Aaron say thing that hurt me even though he still a kid and not knowing what he did but still it hurt me. So I can’t imagine being my mom that had to go through life with me and my sibling. We aren’t the best children in the world. But we are now trying to give the best life to them after struggling to raise us in such minimal wages especially when we always not in our best behaviour when we were younger.

There are few small thing that I have done after being a mother and I will keep continue doing it for the sake of better world for my children. Keep in mind, small thing does make a different so don’t give up.

Is Your Child Bossy?

I read this article on The Asian Parent website which similar to what I’m facing with my son. At this moment I am having this problem with Aaron and I have tried some of the action suggested but failed. But I will keep trying while sharing this with you. Enjoy reading!

Is Your Child Bossy?

by Melissa Lau
Filed under Parenting Woes, Toddler

 

Bossy Child

We’ve all seen it. The temperamental three-year-old whose seemingly unprovoked tantrums leave his desperate parents scrambling to appease him; the bossy child who never learns to share toys or interact socially with other children or strangers. How do you prevent your child from becoming one of them? Discipline of course!

Children need to be disciplined early in their lives. This is because they are more impressionable during their early years and they can retain lessons learned early on. But before you start disciplining your child, there are a few thing that you must do:

1) Set some rules and make sure your child understands them

To be fair to your child, you should set some ground rules that you expect him to follow. It’s ridiculous to discipline someone for breaking a rule, if they did not know it was a rule to begin with. Your children should also be clear of the penalties for breaking the rules.

2) Do not enforce too many rules in one shot.

Otherwise, your house will be a constant war zone. Sit down and make a list of the four or five areas that are most important to you and your partner. Are table manners extremely important to you or is putting away toys a priority? Enforce the most important rules first, and close one eye with regards to the rest.

3) Be consistent with your rules

If you insist that the set of rules be followed each day, your child will learn discipline, even though it may not seem that way at the time. Remember that if a four-year old complies with your rule, but talks back, that is still compliance. It’s okay if he has the last word, as long as he’s following the rule.

4) Keep your temper in check

Some parents may feel so angry that they tend to overdo disciplining. If you can not exclude your temper from the disciplinary action, you might end up hurting your child and the bond between the two of you. The last thing you want is to harour resentment in your child. Ask your partner for help when you feel out of control or overly emotional.

Disciplining strategies

Once you’ve set the rules, it’s time to figure out your discipline strategy. You can try out many disciplinary strategies for your four year old but these have shown best results. Also keep in mind that not all four year olds are the same, so different strategies might work for different children.

1) Talking to him (Verbal Reprimand)

One way to effectively discipline your child is to make him understand why you are upset with him. Making him understand the importance of behaving accordingly can be beneficial for both you and your child. Think of an angle that suits the way a four year old thinks. They do not usually understand complicated reasoning so it is best to keep it simple and basic. Giving an example will help but still keep it simple for better comprehension. If the child understands why he has to behave accordingly or why he is being reprimanded, there is a bigger possibility that he will keep this the lesson in mind.

2) Reward and punishment system

Reward your child if he behaves well and punish him when he misbehaves. The best rewards are praises, cuddles and admiration and the best punishments are to take away some of his privileges. Don’t bother shouting, it’ll only serve to either frighten your child or cause you a sore-throat.

3) Time out

A time out disciplinary system can be effective if your child listens to you or obeys the time out rules. Some children stay in the corner or obey when they are told to do so while others go back to mischief as soon as you turn your back to them. Children who tend to be really disobedient even when they are told to have a time out are more difficult to discipline and will need a different kind of disciplinary action.

4) Modified Grounding

Many parents use grounding as a discipline technique with their older children. However, when parents ground their children for long periods, it often loses its effectiveness because there is typically little incentive for children to behave well during the grounding. Modified grounding involves brief and intense grounding but the child is allowed the opportunity to earn his or her way off grounding by completing a job assignment.

Side Bar – Spanking

Yes, we know parenting kids can be tough. There are days you just want to fling your little emperor out of a window or smack them hard on their bum. But seriously spanking them is not going to do your child any good. It might shut your child up for or get him to behave himself for a short while, but it might also psychologically scar your child for life. Remember that hitting children teaches them to become hitters themselves.

Virtually all of the most dangerous criminals were regularly threatened and punished in childhood. So if you’ve been spanking your child, stop and ask yourself whether you REALLY think that spanking is going to teach your child any thing. Try one of the above strategies instead, if they don’t work, speak to a licensed child care professional about other positive techniques.