Black - Pearl Jam

Hey...oooh... 
Sheets of empty canvas, untouched sheets of clay 
Were laid spread out before me as her body once did 
All five horizons revolved around her soul 
As the earth to the sun 
Now the air I tasted and breathed has taken a turn 
Ooh, and all I taught her was everything 
Ooh, I know she gave me all that she wore 
And now my bitter hands chafe beneath the clouds 
Of what was everything? 
Oh, the pictures have all been washed in black, tattooed Everything... 

I take a walk outside 
I'm surrounded by some kids at play 
I can feel their laughter, so why do I sear 
Oh, and twisted thoughts that spin round my head 
I'm spinning, oh, I'm spinning 
How quick the sun can, drop away 
And now my bitter hands cradle broken glass 
Of what was everything 
All the pictures have all been washed in black, tattooed everything... 
All the love gone bad turned my world to black 
Tattooed all I see, all that I am, all I will be...yeah... 
Uh huh...uh huh...ooh... 
I know someday you'll have a beautiful life, I know you'll be a star 
In somebody else's sky, but why, why, why 
Can't it be, can't it be mine

My disappearance

I know few friends and family notice I was off line at least for a week. There are reason to it and finally I have a strength to spread the bad news to all of you.

For the past few weeks I was joyful with my pregnancy development. The growing tummy and the nausea really confirming the pregnancy. Since this is my second pregnancy, I did not rush to see my gynecologist immediately. But last week was my follow up appointment and had my pregnancy test for the first time. I was excited when I saw the fetus but the happy moment ended when she told me the fetus did not develop any heartbeat after 8 weeks pregnant. I think my heart stop few second (may be not but that how I feel). Aaron was there with me and I was excited to show him his new sibling and the news break my heart.

But there was no tears shed on that particular moment. Silently I calmed myself and listen to what the doctor had to say. She give me a week to see if any progress on the fetus with very slim chances. I went back home and shut myself out from outside world including my family. It was horrible when I broke the news to my husband while we having dinner. I could even bare to look straight into his eyes because I was scared I will lose myself in tears.

A week past and last 2 days was my follow up to check if any progress and as what we expected nothing has change. The fetus still has no development but my placenta still growing as if  the fetus is alive. Cause of the problem? We have no idea. The doctor did suggest after she terminate my pregnancy, she can sent it to the lab to run a test. But I refuse to do it because I do not want the result being the topic to pint point who's fault it is. She admitted me to the ward that evening and the operation was done the next morning (yesterday). Abortion is cruel word but that was it is.

I was discharge late evening yesterday. No pain except silent pain in my heart. I will still had to do follow up check up at least 3 cycle of my menses. The doctor need to ensure I really fit to start all over again, may be in June. For now, all I need to recover physically, mentally and emotionally.

Flightless Bird, American Mouth Lyrics

I was a quick wet boy
Diving too deep for coins
All of your straight blind eyes
Wide on my plastic toys
And when the cops closed the fair
I cut my long baby hair
Stole me a dog-eared map
And called for you everywhere

Have I found you?
Flightless bird, jealous, weeping
Or lost you?
American mouth
Big bill looming

Now I'm a fat house cat
Cursing my sore blunt tongue
Watching the warm poison rats
Curl through the wide/white fence cracks
Kissing on magazine photos
Those fishing lures thrown in the cold and clean
Blood of Christ mountain stream

Have I found you?
Flightless bird, brown hair bleeding
Or lost you?
American mouth
Big bill, stuck going down

p/s : Twilight movie has made me fall in love with this beautiful song and while reading the sequel books this song has been in my head constantly. The warm feeling song remind me of my husband's love to me. 

How to stop a cough in 5 minutes

How to stop cough in 5 minutes!!! This is a must try...
We have all been kept awake by our own or someone else's cough. Try this and pass it on. The tip and not the cough. ANYTHING is better than antibiotics. Even babies could benefit from this and the parents wouldn't worry about the safety of their child. And of course, it is harmless and free from any type of side-effects.
WOW! I was raised, and raised my kids with Vicks. How come I never knew this? I can't wait for my next cough. Amazing!
READ IT ALL. It works 100 percent of the time, although the scientists at the Canada Research council (who discovered it) aren't sure why.
Treatment:
To stop night time coughing in a child (or an adult, as we found out personally), put Vicks Vapor Rub generously on the bottom of the feet at bedtime and then cover with socks. Even persistent, heavy, deep coughing will stop in about five minutes and stay stopped for many, many hours of relief. This works 100 percent of the time, and is more effective in children than even very strong prescription cough medicines. In addition it is extremely soothing and comforting and
they will sleep soundly. I heard the head of the Canada Research Council describe these findings on the part of their scientists when they were investigating the effectiveness and usage of prescription cough medicines in children, as compared to alternative therapies like acupressure. I just
happened to tune in to a.m. Radio and picked up this guy talking about why cough medicines in kids often do more harm than good due to the chemical makeup of these strong drugs, so I listened. It was a surprising finding and found to be more effective than prescribed medicines for children at
bedtime, and in addition to have a soothing and calming effect on sick children who then went on to sleep soundly.. My wife tried it on herself when she had a very deep constant and persistent cough a few weeks ago, and it worked 100 percent! She said it felt like a warm blanket had enveloped her. The coughing stopped in a few minutes, and believe me this was a deep (incredibly annoying!) every few seconds, uncontrollable cough and she slept cough-free for hours every night she used it. If you have children or grandchildren, pass it on. If you end up sick, try it yourself and you will be absolutely amazed.

Blood Clots/Stroke - They Now Have a Fourth Indicator, the Tongue.

STROKE: Remember

The 1st Three Letters.... S.T.R.
A friend sent this and encouraged me to post it and spread the word. If everyone can remember something this simple, we could save some folks.

Please read:
STROKE IDENTIFICATION:
During a BBQ, a friend stumbled and took a little fall - she assured everyone that she was fine (they offered to call paramedics) .....she said she had just tripped over a brick because of her new shoes.

They got her cleaned up and got her a new plate of food. While she appeared a bit shaken up, Ingrid went about enjoying herself the rest of the evening

Ingrid's husband called later telling everyone that his wife had been taken to the hospital - (at 6:00 pm Ingrid passed away.) She had suffered a stroke at the BBQ. Had they known how to identify the signs of a stroke, perhaps Ingrid would be with us today. Some don't die.... they end up in a helpless, hopeless condition instead.

It only takes a minute to read this...
A neurologist says that if he can get to a stroke victim within 3 hours he can totally reverse the effects of a stroke... totally. He said the trick was getting a stroke recognized, diagnosed, and then getting the patient medically cared for within 3 hours, which is tough.R

RECOGNIZING A STROKE

Thank God for the sense to remember the '3' steps, STR . Read and Learn! Sometimes symptoms of a stroke are difficult to identify. Unfortunately, the lack of awareness spells disaster. The stroke victim may suffer severe brain damage when people nearby fail to recognize the symptoms of a stroke.

Now doctors say a bystander can recognize a stroke by asking three simple questions:
S * Ask the individual to SMILE.
T * Ask the person to TALK and SPEAK A SIMPLE SENTENCE (Coherently)(i.e. It is sunny out today)
R * Ask him or her to RAISE BOTH ARMS.

If he or she has trouble with ANY ONE of these tasks, call 999/911 immediately and describe the symptoms to the dispatcher.

New Sign of a Stroke -------- Stick out Your Tongue

NOTE: Another 'sign' of a stroke is this: Ask the person to 'stick' out his tongue.. If the tongue is 'crooked', if it goes to one side or the other, that is also an indication of a stroke.

A cardiologist says if everyone who gets this e-mail sends it to 10 people; you can bet that at least one life will be saved.

I thought....

I was conscious about my health but I was wrong. I have been abusing my body for years without realizing it. After my gynae check up and my sudden operation I realize I bad I was with my body. I only did my pap smear after 2 years delivered Aaron. Even then, I should have done it way before Aaron was born but I neglect it. Having few history of breast cancer and ovary cancer in my family I only do the mammogram this year. My friend Linda that stayed in the States informed me that over there they only encourage woman above 40 to do the mammogram. May be due the expensive fee. But I was on the way to the hospital and I heard our local ads urging young Malaysian woman to take first step on breast check up or mammogram and also pap smear due the breast cancer and cervical cancer statistic is getting higher. Why not take precaution earlier? We can spend our money on food, drink and party, there should some money spend on heath.

While I was going to my physiotherapy session, my gynae doctor asking me to see her and it seems that my pap smear wasn't great after all. There some fungus was detected and she give me some medication to kill the germ inside my vagina. Just imagine, I thought I was clean. We can never be too sure nowadays.

On my physiotherapy session, I learn day to day movement how we can care about our back. Honestly, I heard this when we were in junior high school and even our mom always told us to sit up straight and don't sloughing. And yet, we choose not to care and now I had no choice to care. I had to learn this in my 30's again and what a embracement as it show it was me who abuse my own body. Oh well mistake has been done and I live to tell it. I hope my writing could give some awareness to all my ladies friends how important for us to take care outside and inner body. I have paid the price!

My visit ...

To relatives house during Eid Mubarak (Hari Raya) was so tiring and enjoyable. Lavish with different kind of food for each houses. Only this time we had biggest relatives meeting and asking about each one of them. Firstly, we visit the eldest aunt house and so on. Both my grandparent already past away so we only had our Mak Ngah to visit on my mom's side. But Nek Bik (my grandma youngest sister) on my dad's side and glad she can still manage to see her great grandson.

To gynae clinic for yearly check up and mammogram bringing good result. Never knew doing mammogram make you feeling very worried. While the imaging lady doing her work, I was so afraid to know the result. Thanks god I was clean from any lump. The reason of the gynae check was because I miss my period for 3 months and yet I am not pregnant. But at this moment doctor suspected hormone in balance and I am on hormone medication. I must make sure in great shape as we are planning for second child next year.

To orthopedic clinic has made me admitted to hospital immediately for further diagnose. I was sent to x-ray and MRI to see what has cause my left leg in pain. The finding is one the MRI result. My L5 spine disk was torn and leak. Due to this the disk is pushing my nerve and cause me pain on my left leg. After knowing the cause doctor advise me to do minor operation so they can insert facet block at my L5 spine. But he fail to tell me that it was very painful procedure as he had to do 6 times local anesthetic (as if you had 6 times epidural) which is painful for me. I had very low tolerant on pain (that's why I had epidural for when I delivered Aaron). Anyway if I don't do it I will forever feel the pain on my left leg and I won't be able to wear any high heels. So now I just discharge from the hospital and I want to rest and do some physiotherapy exercise so my back can heal fast. I had to give Aaron to my parent as I can't carry him due to my back is still in pain.

For relatives and friends that visit me in hospital and my house, I would like to thank you and my house door still open to anyone to wish to visit me.